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Crafts & Gifts

by Lawnmaster

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1.
I'm a Danger to Myself 03:17
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I’m a lover of considerable dimension Baby can you fit me in? I’m a fighter Can you stage an intervention? Chuck me underneath my chin? I’m a danger to myself I’m a danger to myself I’m a stranger to behaving in the interests of my health I’m attracted to the art of self-deception You’re in some hypnotic trance Would you love me While we we're waiting at reception Or we're riding in the ambulance? I’m a danger to myself I’m a danger to myself I’m a stranger to behaving in the interests of my health Baby I don’t want to waste the time that we have spent Convincing everyone Convincing everyone That we were having fun I’m a liar You’re the sequel to the story Maybe when we’re old and grey We’ll laugh it all off Over chicken cacciatore And a glass of chardonnay I’m a danger to myself I’m a danger to myself I’m a stranger to behaving in the interests of my health
2.
Go to Auckland 03:40
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You on the stairs, lighting up a borrowed fag That’s when you said “I’ve something to say” Out in the yard I could see a Warehouse bag I watched the wind take it away You said “Baby I have something on my mind. Seems I must be cruel to be kind” You were the queen, the queen of Upper Cuba St High on your throne of vintage debris I never thought, thought you would admit defeat I always thought that would be me The three of us stayed up and talked ‘til late You, me and your need to relocate Go to Auckland, I don’t care Go to Auckland, I don’t care Go forget this whole affair I don’t care That was the news, it didn’t kill me after all I don’t even mind being kept in the dark Maybe I’ll see, see you in some shopping mall Down at St Luke’s or Sylvia Park I can hear this party down the street Think I’ll go and sweep them off their feet Go to Auckland, I don’t care Go to Auckland, I don’t care Shack up with some millionaire I don’t care Go to Auckland, yeah yeah yeah With your famous savoir faire Maybe you’ll be happy there And I’ll care
3.
Please Don't 03:32
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You were the best The best at making someone feel The best is yet to come My interests were new wave heavy metal And the paramecium A single cell can have a life as self-directed as our own What makes you think country-folk is so much better, better? Please don’t be my friend I can’t extend my heart to you Please don’t keep in touch Let’s just go dutch And say we’re through You had a plan Of getting out of carpeting And into real estate Do what you can I can read the tea leaves And the tea leaves don’t look great Why are you picking at your food? Why aren’t you summoning the beast? Why this compliant attitude Why are you crying, crying? Please don’t be my friend I can’t extend my heart to you Please don’t keep in touch Let’s just go dutch And say we’re through
4.
Disneyland 03:16
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Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland Take me to Disneyland I wanna see the sights Ride the roller coaster While the fireworks light my night If the world was Disneyland Would it be all right? Would the dreams of everyone Light the darkest night? Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland I’ve never been to Disneyland Though I’ve heard it’s good If I had a chance to go I don’t think I would Cos my world ain’t Disneyland And all my dreams have gone To a world of deep dark nights But I will carry on Ah Disneyland Where have you gone? I never climbed your castle walls I never sung my song Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland Ah Disneyland
5.
Lonely Heartthrob 03:30
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Lonely heartthrob It appears you’ve spread yourself too thinly You will go to waste just like a glass of flat champagne Girls who once fell at your feet Have gone back to their husbands Those days are over and they won’t be back again And all the stars above you And all the stars above you Lonely heartthrob Do you recognise your situation? It was always part of the existence that you chose With so much to aim for You have missed your only target Did you think your reputation left you unexposed? And all the stars above you And all the stars above you And all the stars above you So high, so high above you Like all the girls you’ve loved before Lonely heartthrob You have been from Port of Spain to Soho You have blurred the distance with Flor Fino and cocaine Did you ever linger at the changing of the season? Did no arms hold you long enough to miss that train? And all the stars above you And all the stars above you And all the stars above you So high, so high above you Like all the girls you’ve loved before
6.
Skinny 03:25
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Cold dirty sun Yellow leaves and paper houses Tiny fountain on the grass 8.31 Comb your hair put on your trousers Walk right through that looking glass Skinny, skinny Underneath your sweater baby Skinny in the January sun Skinny, will he really love you better baby When you’re skinnier than everyone? Where can he be? Travelling on some speaker cable Lying on some ballroom floor Not there to see When you get up from the table Or watch you close that bathroom door Skinny, skinny Underneath your sweater baby Skinny in the January sun Skinny, will he really love you better baby When you’re skinnier than everyone? And the mercury says “Baby You don’t look so good today” Love is love and that’s forever Not fade away
7.
Last of the Gunboat Diplomats 02:42
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You and me Never together alone Never too far from the phone Couldn’t we just break up again? Pretend that it’s fallen apart Tell them he’s broken her heart Hell in the shape of happiness More or less Creeps up from behind He’s under her suspicion now But somehow He never seems to mind Everyone feels like they’re waving goodbye The end of the endless supply Last of the gunboat diplomats Checks in his card at the door Looks like it’s back to the war Back to the world of don’t believe Won’t believe Letting the bridges burn Now everyone is standing by Wondering why We never seem to learn
8.
David Sylvian 02:13
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On a park bench By the Finchley Underground I can hear you In the sweet, sad sounds of Japan Over somebody’s headphones There’s an oak tree Like a lampshade over the sun Where the dogs lie And they dream of life on the run Prior to domestication I wrote this song for NPR Now that it’s done If it should find you where you are Don’t ever run Don’t ever run again In the back row Me and David Sylvian We can hear you As the national anthem begins Over the sound of fireworks I wrote this song for NPR And I’m overcome If it should find you where you are Don’t ever run Don’t ever run again
9.
Down the Ladders and Up the Snakes 02:39
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Put away your tiny violin Can’t you see that we’re not into you? Here’s what happens in the real world We dig the holes that you get hurled into Wake up you’re living in a dream It’s a dream of somebody else’s Down the ladders and up the snakes Down the ladders and up the snakes You’ve been listening to the government You’ve been reading all the supplements as well They don’t understand the working parts I’ll be glad to see their bleeding hearts in hell We gather round the dreaming spires We light the sacrificial fires We go down the ladders and up the snakes Down the ladders and up the snakes Wait it out until the bad news breaks Down the ladders and up the snakes No one understands this mighty task No one knows the sacrifice they ask of you Like the lady in my spin class said Show them mercy and they’ll cut you dead in two We built this might argosy Weighed down with gold and ashes Down the ladders and up the snakes Down the ladders and up the snakes Wait it out until the bad news breaks
10.
Bowels of Me 03:59
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I could tell that things weren’t going to plan The soufflé would not rise And mother called me “You must leave that woman now while you can And you can” I was never insolent as a child At least not by the standards of my own children So I thanked her kindly for her advice I said “Thanks a fucking lot Ma” I can hear this voice in the bowels of me It says “Sit down you fool there’s no one out to get you” I have worked for 15 years in the bank I suffer from a form of synaesthesia Words assume the smell of bullshit and fear So clear I can feel the grave it yawns like the mouth Of some pursuing prehistoric creature Smell of Peter Stuyvesant cigarettes On it’s breath On it’s breath I can hear this voice in the bowels of me It says “You’re fucked, go collect your superannuation” I play bass in bars with poker machines Caucasian blues and soul for baby boomers Memories of divorces fresh in their minds In their minds They don’t want their precepts challenged at all By lady Whats-Her-Name and gangsta rappers They can feel their empire crumble to sand Where they stand Where they stand I can hear this voice in the bowels of me It says “Why don’t you fake your death and make a fortune?”
11.
Bad Entertainer 03:55
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I’m a bad entertainer I have no concern With your need for distraction Your hopes and joys I’m a twilight campaigner You’re the trick I turn Buy your girlfriend a Slingshot And make some noise We waste this time together We look for love where love exists We gaze across that great divide I’m a bad entertainer I should empathise With your compromise marriage And stalled career I decline to explain this You to realise We just wait for the headliner to appear We waste this time together We look for love where love exists We gaze across that great divide And all the cops they make their rounds The lights go up and then go down We will return We will return I’m a bad entertainer Touch my carapace Feel the beat of me easily broken heart Fill your chosen container Wear your poker face We play “Smoke on the Water” And then depart We waste this time together We look for love where love exists We gaze across that great divide

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A selection of Lawnmaster's finest cuts retrieved from the attic and remixed by Henry Coburn using various machines.

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released January 22, 2019

Recorded at Auckland Terrace, Marmalade and Munki by Jeremy Cullen, Mike Gibson and Lawnmaster

Mixed by Henry Coburn

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Lawnmaster Wellington, New Zealand

Lawnmaster are a guitar pop band from Wellington. They're not famous.

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